Jonah Hex

REVIEW: Jonah Hex IMDB

---

MOVIE INFO

• Producer - Jimmy Hayward
• Director -

• Primary Actors:
  • Megan Fox - hooker

•  
  • Josh Brolin - Jonah Hex
  • John Malkovich - Quinten Turnble
  • Jeffry Dean Morgan - Jeb Turnble
  • Will Arnett - Lieutenant Grass
  • Irish fighter - Michael Fassbender

INTRO STUFF

• CHUCK
  • Iphone 4, Iphone 4, Iphone 4!!!!
  • Planning next big projects and future sponsorships...

• MIKE
  • Video Games (Fallout 3), Daddy's Day...

SYNOPSIS

• In a world where wars are finished, but not forgotten, one man discovers the murderer of his family is still alive and once again seeks revenge...

WALKING IN F&T (FEARS & THOUGHTS)

• CHUCK
  • Megan Fox and Sling Blade with a gun...how can this be good?

• MIKE
  • The most recent comic adaptations have been pretty good...and westerns are the new thing...

FIRST ACT

• Civil war story - cool piece of history that I don't know much about sadly
• Betrays evil leader - evil leader murders family with help of a tattooed Irishman - Indians save him
  • Very disappointed that they did not do anything with the Indians in the beginning of the movie saving him aside from a quick cartoon act. I wanted to see them save him the first time - it would have brought me into the movie a lot more.
  • Beginning act was the only act with cartoons...glad about that. Just because it is a comic book doesn't mean that you have to make it feel like a comic book, my opinion.

• Once again, they put comic things in there, but they seems only to save them money from actually shooting backstory...probably stuff they changed in post-production
• I was confused by the background sequence...felt unfiinshed and rushed (much like the whole movie)
• Twin gatling on a horse...come on!!!

...LATER SCENES

• Hijack the train weapons - where were these weapons going, I thought they canceled making the weapon
  •  
    • Blows up the soldiers and families on the train

• General Will Arnett - why?! Having him as the general (Lieutenant) did not help the scene where the guy stupidly electrocutes himself.
• Talks to the dead guy - pretty cool

• Quinten Turnble blows up an entire town -

•  
  • 300 people leaving church (mixed congregation - sadly this was not true; Sunday was (some still say) the most segregated day in the week)

• The bar

•  
  • Best scene - First guy to ask about his face he shoots through the window "he doesn't look so tough"

•  
  • Megan Fox the floozy...sadly it fit

• The tent fight scene
  • Snake man - Mortal Kombat Baraka??
  • He's gets a dog, the dog never does anything except maybe get the Indians when he is dying (go lassie, go!)

• Visits his 'Bazil' (Austin Powers) weapons carrier - every good gun toting vigilante needs one

• Goes to the fort
  • Blows up a ton of people with his grenade launcher, but loses (Irishman doesn't just shoot him after he has him - more James Bond moments)

•  
  • Indians saved him once then they save him again (I think they were on the cutting room floor)

• Uh oh, Iron man 2 all over again...character plot line fixed before plot line ends - belches up the crow then goes to fight the enemy
  • What did the crow signify? He didn't let go of his vengeance so why was the bird coming out of him?
• The attack on Independence Harbor
  • The scope has the Washington Capital in it
  • Jonah Hex warns them to bring everything and all we get is Will Arnett on a submarine? (it was not a sub, a gunboat akin to the Merrick/Monitor)

RANDOM THOUGHTS

• Director's first live-action movie...he worked a lot in animation...which would be perfect for bringing the comic to life, right??? (ARRRGH!!!)

...THE ACTORS

• Actors:
• Megan Fox - prostitute...er..Lilah
  • Wasn't in the movie long enough to ruin it. Too bad it was ruined without her
  • Probably her better performance as an actor…sad to say.

• Josh Brolin - Jonah Hex
  • Sling Blade, sling blade, sling blade
  • I was thinking of of James Gannon, who played the coach in the Major League series...

• John Malkovich - Quinten Turnble
  • Why did he do this movie? Maybe he wanted to wear the cowboy hat?
  • He obviously did not want want to be there, was just reading lines...

• Jeffry Dean Morgan - Jeb Turnble
  • His normal self

• Will Arnett - Lieutenant Grass
  • Why did he do this movie?

• Irish fighter (Burke) - Michael Fassbender

•  
  • Probably the best actor in the movie (agreed), but I can't find his name

QUESTIONS:

• Did they really have to throw that many examples of him being evil? We understood after he murdered his family.
• How in the hell did they get these decent actors to sign onto this piece of crap?!?
• What went on in the editing room...this thing makes no sense!!!

THE MACGUFFIN:

• The glowing power source in the giant gun (love they way you stated that...)

Sponsorships

• Union Pacific...kidding; but how about Smith and Wesson with all of the old firearms? (COLT, my man...)

Quote of the movie

• The END...

CLOSING THOUGHTS

CHUCK Rating: 1.5

• Positives
  • Fight scenes, interesting times with the Indians; wanted more of the mystical side.

• Negatives
  • Bad casting and it felt like I was watching a TV show it was so bad

MIKE Rating: 1.0

• Positives
  • They spelled everyone's name right.

• Negatives
  • THIS is why poeple don't take comic books seriously...